I’ve never run away.

well, for more than a night. One time I ‘ran away’ in high school. It didn’t really count, I came home the next day. 

Although I’ve never actually done it, I think about it all the time. I sit and think about leaving everything I know, my entire life, and just walking away. 

No explanations.

No warnings. 

Just turning around and walking away. 

I’m not really sure it’s possible for me to do it, considering that I love clothes, makeup and expensive hair care products. I always end up thinking about what I would pack if I were to ditch everything.

But if I pack, am I really leaving everything behind? NO.

I almost feel incapable of abandoning everything. What about my phone? I like it. I don’t go anywhere without it. How would I know where to go without my cherished navigation system? What would I do when I was bored if I didn’t have games to play on my phone? What about my toothbrush? Should I take that? or just buy another one when the need arises? The list continues. I debate whether leaving all of my belongings is worth the trouble of missing them while they are gone. 

Part of me believes that running away would give me a new perspective on life.  I also believe that if I run away I’ll end up somewhere in Europe doing drugs in a dark alley and robbing tourists. 

I don’t even know if I could run away if the avenue presented itself. I don’t know where I would go. It would hurt so many people, my husband, my family, my friends. Based on my reputation for religiously keeping in touch, they would all think me dead somewhere. and based on their reputations, they would probably wish me dead if I ever came back, jumped out from behind a wall and said “SURPRISE! I’m alive!” yeah, I’d probably earn quite the shiner from that.

but suppose I finally did it. I just left. I walked out right now. No car, no phone, no purse. Nothing. I just went. I wonder what it would be like. Probably miserable. Having no form of identification would most likely ruin any and all travel plans. 

ok, so starting over. I left. No car, no phone. Only my ID and the money in my pocket (around $44) where would I go? What would become of me? Would I make friends? Would I eat? Where would I sleep? Would my friends and family begin a campaign to find me? Is it a crime to run away? Would I find myself? Would I become part of a cult? Would I join some religious chapter somewhere? Would I live in the forest and grow outrageous amounts of body hair? Would I create a new identity and become famous? 

All these questions. 

All these possibilities. and I’m still sitting here. in my corner of the universe. only thinking, not doing. looking, not moving. 

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