I get a lot of shit from friends and acquaintances who are around my age, who have children. I don’t have any children. I don’t want them…right now. Honestly, if they aren’t related to me, I avoid children and refuse to pretend that I like them. I despise people who bring crying babies into restaurants or movie theaters. I get extremely annoyed at people who yell at their kids in grocery stores, while their kids is tearing down racks of clothing. My maternal gene hasn’t kicked in yet, and that is a-okay with me.
Now, to young people with kids. By ‘Young People’ I mean individuals under the age of 24. The young people I will be referring to are those who I seem to insult anytime I say ANYTHING about the fact that I haven’t popped out any pups yet. The ones who still live at home with their parents. The ones who can’t seem to control their offspring producing abilities. The ones who claim they have amazing lives with 4 kids at age 22. The ones who post picture after picture of being in a club on a Saturday night trying to convince the world they can still party after they’ve had kids. I understand that there may be a few young people out there who are living on their own, who are making a substantial amount of money, who are fully capable of providing for a child-great for them-but this isn’t aimed at them. This is for the ones who want to lecture me about why they are better than me just because they have kids.
This will explain my loathing for these people, and why I call BULLSHIT on their seemingly amazing lives with kids.
I WAS AN ACCIDENT.
yes, yes I was. I was an accident. My parents were high school sweethearts, went to college and after their freshman year, SURPRISE! I decided it was time to swoop in and stop all the fun and games. I have heard several different accounts about the reactions from my parents and their families, most of which were brutally honest. My mother and father come from extremely religious families, so they were quickly married and I showed up 5 months later. The pregnancy wasn’t planned, I wasn’t planned. Here I am, nearly 22 years later.
My parents are still married. I have never in my life seen a couple who loves each other more than they do. My dad has told me many times that he made a promise to love my mother and he loves her more than his kids. Yeah, he’s a very honest man, and I love him for it. They take care of each other. I’ve seen them argue twice in my lifetime. My mother will sit at our dinner table and wait for my dad to start eating before she takes a bite of her food. They are pretty fucking awesome.
That being said, I shut the party down when I was born. My parents didn’t go to clubs or parties, because I became the main priority and center of their entire universe. They started working to pay the bills, their social lives came to a halt. My parents did everything they could to provide for me and get everything I wanted.
One day, soon after I became a teenager, started putting makeup on my face and putting effort into my hairstyle, my dad sat me down to give me his version of “the talk”. We sat in the dining room after I got home from school. He had a stern, but gentle look on his face. Almost nervous, but strong at the same time. He looked at me and said, “I don’t want to see you end up like your cousin.” -My 16 year old cousin had recently gotten pregnant.
“I’m not dad, I wanna go to college”
“Yeah? Good, but you better not end up like that. It’s hard Vanessa, it is very hard to have a child like that. When me and Mom had you, it was very hard. I had to take care of you and Mom. I didn’t get to see my friends anymore. I didn’t get to go out and party like all of my friends. I had to work and come home to be with you and Mom. I had too much responsibility and I was too young. I was too young, Mom was too young, we weren’t ready and our life was hard. We were poor when we had you. Mom cried a lot because we never had any money. I would have wanted to wait. Our lives would have been easier if we had you later. I love you, but having you made our lives very difficult.”
“I know dad, I wont end up like that”
And that was my dad’s version of the talk. Since then he has dropped details of how crappy life was with a kid at the age of 21. He is honest with me. He tells me that it would have been better for everyone if I wasn’t born so soon and my parents had been smarter and more prepared. I don’t remember us being poor, but my parents have started to tell me how much they struggled to provide.
They are amazing parents, when we did struggle, I had no flipping idea. My parents have worked hard and are extremely successful. They have plenty of money. They live a comfortable life, and the hardships of when I was first brought into the world are long gone. My siblings don’t believe my parents when they tell them we lived in the projects when I was born. Its far away from the 5 bedroom 3 bathroom house in the suburbs that we grew up in.
I love my parents. I respect their hustle. They endured through everything and came out on top. I’m proud of how far they’ve come and so thankful that it was for me.
THIS is why I don’t believe it when people my age try to convince me their life is amazing with a kid and a job that pays 10 bucks an hour. I know your life sucks, don’t try to convince me it doesn’t. Don’t try to tell me you can do whatever you want even with a kid, because you can’t. I have the luxury of going wherever I want, whenever I want-WITHOUT FINDING A BABYSITTER. I can stay out all night if I want to. I can take a trip to a different state at the drop of a hat if I want to. I have the freedom to do what I want. I have the choice of having a child. My husband and I are on the same page as far as having kids. He knows we aren’t ready, and I know we aren’t ready. We have the common sense to wait. We want to bring a little person into our lives and make sure they will be taken care of without them having to suffer. I don’t want my future kid to suffer because of my lack of planning.
Yes, I am cynical. I don’t care if someone has kids. I don’t want to hear someone complaining about their kids. They had them, they take care of them. Not my problem. I will continue to live life with my husband kid-free until we eventually decide to make some.